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September 2015

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Stupid Pet Peeve – Automatic Soap Dispensers

With so many, many things wrong in the world you would think I would have better things to bitch about than automatic soap dispensers. You would be right, but just because its wrong and stupid... well if its good enough for the government its good enough for me ;)

Am I the only person in the world who finds these things stupid and annoying? Just confining ones self to the restroom, there are plenty of things that make more sense to automate – the urinals (though I honestly prefer the waterless no-flush ones. They save on water use), toilets, bidet's (if you are lucky enough to have one – YOU BASTARD! I wish I had one, it would be nice to leave the toilet with a sparkling clean bum. As is to get as clean as I do get I have to break out the Lysol and the steel wool... woops, TMI), even sinks make some sense. But soap dispensers?

They say they are hygienic. WTF? If you touch a soap dispenser you are about to wash your hands with soap! Its far less hygienic to then have to turn off the faucet, touch the door handle, any one of a dozen things you do AFTER you wash your hands!

Plus, have you ever used one of these damn things. Every time you get close to it it ejaculates on you whether you want it too or not. Its like a male human or over-excited dog in that regard. Then you have to wash AGAIN. Makes me wonder if these soap dispensers are not simply extremely geeky male aliens looking for some masturbation relief now that internet porn has lost its appeal (I know, GOD FORBID that should ever happen).

Its an obvious marketing ploy meant to sell us useless crap. And frankly its dangerous. Imagine we humans become so fearful of contact with germs we coat ourselves in antibiotics from cradle to grave, touching nothing in terror of contamination. Pretty soon we as a species would loose our ability to resist disease and we could be wiped out by a horrific case of ringworm.

So don’t be a wuss! Go ahead and touch the soap...slower...slower....hhhhhhhhhhhaaaaa! That was great! I need a cigarette! And some hand sanitizer!

Be well my fiends!